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Topo Chico hard seltzer
Topo Chico hard seltzer

Topo Chico to Compete in Hard Seltzer Wars

Soon to wash up on a beach near you, the popular mineral water Topo Chico is producing a line of alcoholic options, and it aims to reach a flying spaghetti monster level of cult status.

You may be asking yourself, isn’t Topo Chico supposed to cure hangovers instead of cause them? No, this is Topo Chico’s evil step brother that gets you way too drunk at the wedding and laughs when you throw up on a bridesmaid. Everything about this drink goes HARD. Harder than birthing 400 macrosomic babies, and harder than running around stark naked in the middle of an electrical storm while waving around a golf club. Because back then, things went hard before they became lit. We’ve already had our ’80s resurgence, now we’re going to skip a decade and go straight to the 2000’s when Spring Break was at its peak.

In 2019, we saw Millenials and Zoomers with fake IDs turn White Claw into a billion-dollar industry. It’s only a matter of time before frat guys start taping these together into super cool wizard staffs on Panama City Beach. Coca-Cola, the maker of Topo Chico, is probably kicking themselves for not getting in the game sooner. Now, they have a product that will compete for space inside a Yeti cooler at a beach bonanza near you.

We’ll have to wait until 2021 to see if Topo Chico is the Captain Ahab to White Claw’s Moby Dick, but in the meantime check out these 9 easy cocktails to make while at home during the pandemic.

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