The longer I go without a haircut, the bigger the chance I might become a hippie. Yes, it’s a truth we (or at least I) must confront. The full effects of keeping the country shut down for such a long period of time are yet unknown, but a new unscientific study I am conducting says my unkempt hair will probably transform me into something I never intended to be – a long-haired hippie.
Look, I’m just stating facts (that may or may not be true). So here is a list I compiled of the side effects of unkempt hair, along with other indicators that signal you could be turning into a hippie, too:
-Whiny speech patterns
-Over use of the word “manifesting”
-No memory of the last time you showered
-Every time you speak, people shout, “Shut up, hippie!”
There is a known cure for being a hippie, but obtaining the cure is difficult at the moment. Because the cure is to cut your hair and get a job. Now, I may try to cut my own hair at some point. But cutting your own hair is one step removed from operating on your own leg – it’s practically a medical procedure. And I’m nervous that one wrong slip of the clippers will take me from a hippie to something more dire and destructive – a punk rocker.
Whatever happens, just remember – we are all in this together! Are you a hippie? Let us know in the comments below.