Three Disney Films That Ruined My Dating Life

In my 20’s, I didn’t make the smartest decisions on anything, basically, but especially when it came to dating. And I think I have a few Disney movies to blame for that….




The first one is without a doubt, the Little Mermaid. Let’s start with the moral of the story…It teaches you to give up everything you are, just to be with a handsome guy. So much for female empowerment, and he wasn’t even that handsome. So let’s recap on the movie.


Ariel is a cool, 16 year-old mermaid who decides to give up her tail, her voice, her family and her awesome princess life under the sea for a guy who she didn’t even had a proper few dates with. And on top of that she had to rescue him on the first night she met him. She then goes to see a witch, because she knows her father would be opposed to them dating (who can blame him) and the witch gives her a pair of legs in exchange for her voice and a pretty crazy deadline to get a kiss from the guy she had just saved and didn’t even know his name.


Then with the help of a fish, a crab, and not the smartest seagull, she makes it into the castle where Eric lives but Eric instead of being over the roof happy to meet the girl who saved him, he is disappointed that she doesn’t talk. Because at the end of the day, ladies, men like opinionated women!! Don’t forget that!  After Ariel spends 3 days trying to steal a kiss from him, the witch shows up with an amazing lipo, a makeover and Ariel’s voice to enchant him and it just takes Eric a few hours to decide he wants to marry her instead of Ariel. Typical!


Anyways…because of this entire story, I ended up going for the Eric type AKA “The Narcissist” – He will love you until he finds someone who serves him better and on top of that, he would blame it on the other woman (that she cast a spell on him, nothing he could do).




Another movie that got me into unstable, abusive guys was “The Beauty and The Beast”. The motto of that movie was that “The Beauty relies in the inside” but not really, because the Beast is not only ugly in the outside, unless you are into hairy guys, in the inside he is grumpy as hell! He kidnaps Belle’s father, then kidnaps Belle, yells at her, goes crazy over a rose she finds and throws her out of the palace to the wolves. So what’s the message here? “be a door mat and patient with bipolar guys with anger management issues because if you  wait around enough, you’ll see their inner beauty? Really?

Without a doubt, the Beast man type is my ex AKA “The Abuser”. And let me tell you something… You’ll end up dealing with his mood swings and most likely you will develop Stockholm Syndrome. So ladies, Get the F’ Out. Now.




…And of course, there is Cinderella with those freakishly tiny feet. In the case of Cinderella the Prince is not as bad, he is just as immature as a 5 year-old kid. He is pressured by his dad to get married and grow up, which he doesn’t want to do, so he decides to throw a wild party to find his future wife. Good move! Here the real antagonists are Cinderella’s step mom and sisters. The Prince is really a secondary character.


I can’t even remember his name… but girl’s let’s think about this for a second; if a guy needs to try a shoe on you because he doesn’t remember your face, you should probably just shove that shoe up his you know what, not marry him. But I get it, in Cinderella’s case, the alternative was to stay with her evil step family, so better being in a palace with a guy who doesn’t remember how you looked than with your step mom and steps sisters who make you clean and live with the mice.


Let me tell you, I’ve dated a manchild a few times, mostly in college, but rumor has it, they still exist well into their 40’s. So watch out for “The Impulsive” – He would make a life changing decision based on silly things like fitting into a goddam glass shoe. A glass shoe? Seriously? Who the hell would wear a glass shoe? It’s dangerous!


As you can see the 80’s and 90’s Disney movies were a bit shady, but thankfully now little girls have Frozen and Moana!




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